Gallaxhar: Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It’s just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will die. Gallaxhar out.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: At least the garbage was free.

The President of the United States: So that’s how you want to play it? Eat lead, alien robot!
[Shoots at robot; nothing happens]
The President of the United States: Evidently they eat lead.
Secret Service Man #2: Get him on the chopper!
The President of the United States: I’m brave! I am a brave president!

Zaphod: If there’s anything around here more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!

News Reader: Humma Kavula is best known for his slanderous “Don’t vote for stupid” campaign and claimed that most people thought they were voting for the worst dressed sentient being in the universe contest.

Zaphod: Hey. Sorry to hear about your planet. What was it called again?
Arthur: Earth.
Zaphod: Yeah, Earth. I liked Earth. I got these boots on Earth. Anyway, don’t tell the girl, OK? Cause if you do, I’ll pull your spleen out through your throat.

Ghostly Image: Greetings. This is a recorded announcement as we are all out at the moment. The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit but regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed. If you would like to leave your name and a planet where you can be contacted, kindly do so at the tone.

So long and thank you for all the fish!