Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity- Lao Tzu.
My day starts at 6am. I do the breathing exercise for 5 minutes before I get out of bed. I love my king size breakfast. I rustle up a planned breakfast every day. Mostly salads, doused in seeds and olive oil and a whole glass of fruit or vegetable juice. I have been on an organic diet for a really long time. It helps me keep chronic ailments at bay. I look at the silver lining of a good routine despite challenges.
This is my routine. I get better at it everyday. At least, I am not running inside the hamster’s cage, day in and day out. I don’t feel the onus to deal with the daily grind of compulsions. I retain my natural, spontaneous, spur-off-the-moment independence. I wouldn’t give away my sense of freedom for million dollars or the mousetrap of true love. I do miss people and socializing daily. I would love that too, but my love for ideas is high!! Higher than the need of finding a middle ground that trammels my sacred religion of being free spirited. I don’t give a dime to epochal thinking, or doing something with the intent of creating an epic. I cannot miss the pleasure out of doing things I love.
Freelancing, working from home, afflicts social life, but you do not miss out on the rich inner world. You might communicate more with birds and plants than humans everyday. The ‘Me’ time becomes so potent, you develop a strong reason to shut down the rigmarole and the mundane small talk. I have never been the small talk kind of a person. Though, it is an ice breaker in any conversation. My self absorption with ideas has taken over social life. I jot down, write, read, sketch, cook, clean, and create.
I have a heavy breakfast and lunch light. I love cooking for myself, as well as people I love. There is true joy in doing that. I think, I have come so far because I have not given up holding on to good dietary habits. I am a massive foodie. But, I prefer not to get into temptation habits, not cause of self righteousness, but for the love of my own well being.
Then my work starts at 7am or 9am, depending on random stuff I choose to do early morning. Sometimes it could be a morning walk, or listening to music, or grooming plants, or just sitting still. Stillness is vital to me. I have a dislike to be shaken up. I, especially, like my mornings quiet. Then goes on the roster of things planned ahead of the day. Writing, mostly. I pen thoughts for myself and also take up the technical and mundane formats of writing as a part of my daily work.
This has been a long, unwinding journey having its own pitfalls. But, in all the chaos, peace, and a motley of incidents, my yearning for a disciplined life remains consistent. My core values have not changed, and nothing will change them. Nobody or nothing is so potent enough to change them. I love the pace at which I move my own life. i love it, because I get to choose the pace of my own life, in the case of happiness as well as adversity. I love it that I am incapable of being pushed for anything that does not coincide with who I am. No temptation of money, fame, or allure of true love is so big that it can put a veil on me. There is hardly a scope for boredom, with or without people. I am comfortable in my own skin.
It’s disturbing how young actresses( Pratyusha Baneerjee) decide to end their life over an abusive relationship. It’s discouraging. I wished she had bugged her friends and family with her woes, cribbed about her relation till she felt better, blogged about it, ranted at length just to let it out of her system; she’d live longer! That thin line, one could stop crossing and preclude taking such drastic steps. Every industry has it’s own set of challenges. The idea of managing emotions and ambitions, per se, is a roller coaster ride for one and all. All of us have seen the blues, but what keeps us going is that one faint ray of hope thinking you came this far not to do away with your life but to reflect, retrospect, and improvise. This is no sensational wisdom, just a simpatico thought.
People fail to understand depression, especially, concealed depression. That’s because parenting is all about being self righteous (apparent from Hema Malini’s tweet about the actresses’ suicide). People rarely believe in a sense of free spiritedness. The way people in general respond to the very onset of depression is appalling, while those few sensitive souls do understand, thank god for that! It’s not something that can be cured with a pill.
Depression and mood swings are a chemical activity inside the brain not a character disorder or a result of damaged thinking. Not everybody is going to put their personal mayhem on their sleeves. But, there are signs of concealed depression that can be addressed by near and dear ones.
I seriously think, reading about lives of people and how they have coped up in tough times gives a lot of hope and will to survive in this world and take care of yourself. Self love, after all is not an ostentacious self indulgence. Most of us ignore self love and self awareness. Even the strongest have to be reminded of this when they hit rock bottom. All of us need that trusty side kick who can lift our spirits knowing and acknowledging that we are strong and able. Being depressed is not characteristic as most of them like to think. Depression is not a personality trait or an excuse, but a real thing most of the people in this world have no choice but deal and live with every single day. It’s a silent scream that nobody can hear. It’s a cry for help that nobody is aware of; not even those closest to you. That is the very nature of depression. It stays concealed and sometimes people don’t even realize how it affects their lives only because they are blissfully unaware that their mind is hit with depression.
With high level of stress, demanding jobs, lifestyle, and social pressures, depression is one thing I hope this society takes a serious look at. No matter how bruised or abused you are, no matter how tempting it seems to end your life, just put a lid on that thought, forcefully, if you have to, and say a strict ‘No’ to that moment of wanting to see the other side. You don’t deserve it, nobody does! Because, life is always willing to give you a fair chance!