Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity- Lao Tzu.
My day starts at 6am. I do the breathing exercise for 5 minutes before I get out of bed. I love my king size breakfast. I rustle up a planned breakfast every day. Mostly salads, doused in seeds and olive oil and a whole glass of fruit or vegetable juice. I have been on an organic diet for a really long time. It helps me keep chronic ailments at bay. I look at the silver lining of a good routine despite challenges.
This is my routine. I get better at it everyday. At least, I am not running inside the hamster’s cage, day in and day out. I don’t feel the onus to deal with the daily grind of compulsions. I retain my natural, spontaneous, spur-off-the-moment independence. I wouldn’t give away my sense of freedom for million dollars or the mousetrap of true love. I do miss people and socializing daily. I would love that too, but my love for ideas is high!! Higher than the need of finding a middle ground that trammels my sacred religion of being free spirited. I don’t give a dime to epochal thinking, or doing something with the intent of creating an epic. I cannot miss the pleasure out of doing things I love.
Freelancing, working from home, afflicts social life, but you do not miss out on the rich inner world. You might communicate more with birds and plants than humans everyday. The ‘Me’ time becomes so potent, you develop a strong reason to shut down the rigmarole and the mundane small talk. I have never been the small talk kind of a person. Though, it is an ice breaker in any conversation. My self absorption with ideas has taken over social life. I jot down, write, read, sketch, cook, clean, and create.
I have a heavy breakfast and lunch light. I love cooking for myself, as well as people I love. There is true joy in doing that. I think, I have come so far because I have not given up holding on to good dietary habits. I am a massive foodie. But, I prefer not to get into temptation habits, not cause of self righteousness, but for the love of my own well being.
Then my work starts at 7am or 9am, depending on random stuff I choose to do early morning. Sometimes it could be a morning walk, or listening to music, or grooming plants, or just sitting still. Stillness is vital to me. I have a dislike to be shaken up. I, especially, like my mornings quiet. Then goes on the roster of things planned ahead of the day. Writing, mostly. I pen thoughts for myself and also take up the technical and mundane formats of writing as a part of my daily work.
This has been a long, unwinding journey having its own pitfalls. But, in all the chaos, peace, and a motley of incidents, my yearning for a disciplined life remains consistent. My core values have not changed, and nothing will change them. Nobody or nothing is so potent enough to change them. I love the pace at which I move my own life. i love it, because I get to choose the pace of my own life, in the case of happiness as well as adversity. I love it that I am incapable of being pushed for anything that does not coincide with who I am. No temptation of money, fame, or allure of true love is so big that it can put a veil on me. There is hardly a scope for boredom, with or without people. I am comfortable in my own skin.
Since the turn of Sept 1st 2016, it seems like I have already been living in the unborn month of October, outside the scope of my limbo. All these months have been riding on the auto pilot mode, but looks like the settings have changed. What did the oblivion do to me?Let me sail in my search for peace through meddling chaos. It’s quite the quagmire, let me tell you! Like the quicksilver, time runs out of you, as much as you are running along the time. Doesn’t unpredictability make life adventurous? Too much information can shut you down for good. The kind of shut down that reincarnates and beckons the innate nature, almost forgotten over the passage of time.
After almost a decade, I have started to recognize my true self. Re conciliate my inner peace, enjoy the sunlight and the rain equally. Past is not bad as long as it reminds you of who you truly are! The original you! You get so lost hotfooting, you forget simple things that matter and forget to thank God for all the good things happening with you. Limbo is your pet stop watch. You are thrown into a limbo by life, when every aspect starts to steer at an overwhelming rate, without the look out for breaks.
When a few lines begin to rhyme the rhythm of the present, it seems like a gift, truly! Meaningfulness in its fullness starts to snail into the little holes hammered into your soul. Chaos theory is only for the creative hearts who render them beautifully. They understand the purity that lies beneath the dust of chaos and mayhem. That is what deep living does to you. You alight down the staircase of insensibilities and unconcerns and FEEL so real, it bumps off the eclipse of numbness with an epidemic outbreak of compassion. I do remember now, like a breath of fresh air, how compassionate I have been before being pushed into the cosmos of abeyance. To the world, it might seem like an immovable stagnation, but for me, it has been a spiritual challenge to know the unknown in the state of nothingness.
You feel the gravity, but inside your soul there is no pull. You nourish your body robotically, because something inside you is not dead yet. That something has been at a primitive stage during this long period of nowhere. That something has evolved into a matured gumption, and full blown awareness. Auto pilot has chosen to flake out. I think forgiveness is from true realization than from manufactured wisdom. The long term contract with the limbo now ends with the end of August.